Equations
by ilexx
Summary: Set after The Mathematics of Tears. Rommie and Beka having a little heart-to-heart.
1. Chapter 1

No copyright infringement intended.

Set after The Mathematics of Tears.

**Equations**

"May I come in?"

"Of course. Don't be so polite – you are a warship, you know..." There is a sparkle of friendliness and warmth in the cool, clear eyes. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing," she replies. "You... already have done more than enough. I came to thank you."

"Thank me?" An inviting gesture offers a seat at the bar.

"Yes..." She hesitates, doesn't know for sure how to go on. Which is strange – and probably will earn her another rebuttal from this strangest first officer she ever had, about how this is also not appropriate for a warship. When it comes to ships and how they should perform, Captain Rebekkah Valentine has very strict, very precise ideas. She knows that much by now. And so she continues, before the pause gets too long:

"You... stood up for me. You understood how I felt about _Pax Ma_gellanic, about her and me being two of a kind. You supported me when I didn't want to see her erased – you spoke on my behalf against Tyr... And Dylan."

The blonde nods, with a little, somewhat strained smile.

"Like I said – family..." she replies. But then the smile fades. "Although I probably shouldn't have."

If she could cringe, she would. But she can't, so she looks with eyes wide open into the handsome face with the pale-blue eyes and the generous mouth, that seems all of a sudden not quite so generous anymore. She isn't one to hide her feelings, this new XO of hers, that's for sure. What she thinks is plastered all over her face: that she has supported her against her fellow crew-members and that she shouldn't have, because Tyr had been right, because _Pax_ had been by then already past saving, because it nearly had cost them their lives... and Dylan's. HER error of judgement, HER sentimentality had nearly cost them all the captain's life! But she had so much wanted to save her sister – and Beka, with her family story, with Rafe...

"When your brother came aboard..."

"When my brother came aboard, I watched him like a hawk. And when it looked like he would betray us, I sided with Dylan and did exactly as he told me."

She presses her lips together. True, all of this is true. But... But what? Her second-in-command is right, only...

"You once asked me if you could trust me with Dylan," the young woman in front of her continues, unfazed. "Now it's time I ask back: can I trust you with him? With any of us?"

She has **got **to be kidding!

"You question my loyalty to my captain? My crew?" They both frown, she a lot more than the blonde, trying to comprehend. "Just because of _Pax_?"

"No, _Andromeda_. Because of you. You see, I understand your feelings. But just because I understand them, that doesn't mean that I won't remember next time when some android or other comes along that when in doubt, you side with your own kind."

"I would never side with anybody against my crew, my captain. I would never do anything to harm you, to hurt Dylan! I couldn't..." she exclaims outraged – and a little desperate, seeing in her first officer's eyes the truth that she so far has refused to acknowledge: of course she could hurt them. She already has... almost. She tries anew for a reassurance from another angle:

"You... don't quite understand: she was... not just a warship like me, not just my sister. She was... she was High Guard."

She sees a dark cloud passing over the pale face in front of her.

"Oh yes!" comes a sardonic remark. "Well, I told you before, and I'll repeat it once more – just as I did your captain. But it is the last time I say it: there is no High Guard around anymore. Next time something like that occurs, please remember that the only ones of your... _kind _still left around are – ironically enough – us."

She stares at her in silence, then nods.

"Aye, Ma'am!"

"All right. Anything else?"

Yes, there is something.

"How... how do you do it?"

"What do you mean, _Andromeda_?"

"I mean... like what you did with Rafe – putting the ship, the crew... Dylan first... even before Rafe. I've never seen a human able to do that. How can you be this way? So hard on your own brother... On yourself?"

Her XO shrugs, annoyed.

"I am the way I am."

"Yes, I got that. But why?"

Another indifferent shrug.

"One of us has to be."

She turns around, leaves, still not understanding. It just doesn't add. At the door to the hangar, she turns around once more, throws a last look at the old, battered freighter, thinking about its harsh, cold, inexplicable captain, feeling a bit... chilled. But then she smiles: maybe not so harsh and cold and inexplicable, after all. Her new XO, who stood by Dylan against her own kind... Two captains fighting together for their ships. Captains Hunt and Valentine against the Restorians, against the FTA, against the rest of the universe, including Mr. Valentine...

Satisfied, Rommie nods, in understanding now. Not Rafe, but Dylan. Dylan is Beka's kind.


	2. Chapter 2

No copyright infringement intended.

Set after Starcrossed.

**Facts of Life**

Beka Valentine sighed deeply at the sight in front of her. On the bench in front of the panoramic windows on Obs Deck the slender, deceptively fragile looking silhouette of the _Andromeda Ascendant_'s android body was shaking like a leaf, with knees bent to her chest and encircled by her arms, desperately trying to stop the huge sobs wrecking through her.

Rommie. Rational, courageous, awesome, tactful, smart, resilient, strong, giving Rommie, always standing by them, never backing down from stepping forward to meet the challenges they all threw at her, going out of her way to satisfy all their demands, protecting, securing them all, keeping them safe. Harper's Romdoll, Dylan's home, Tyr's weapon, Rev's hope, Trance's playground, her own – and the _Eureka Maru_'s safe harbour. Everybody's girl.

Reduced to shambles, hurting, aching, despairing, insecure of herself, of the things she felt, of her life, of... basically everything, wishing herself annihilated from existence, gone – because she had loved, just to find out what everyone loving eventually discovered: how easily one could become everybody's fool.

For a second Beka felt tears hot in her eyes. Rommie had loved, been loved in return, had found the man for herself, agreed to be his woman, had dared to step forward towards a new future... And she'd been betrayed and was now back to square one: everybody's girl. Once more nobody's woman.

"Rommie!"

Almost involuntarily, no longer bearing to merely watch the vast amount of solitary distress displayed in front of her, Beka stepped forward, sat down on the bench and wrapped her arms around her. For a moment she felt the warm, small frame in her arms going rigid, but then the so extraordinarily human body relaxed into the embrace, the sobs intensified and the slender arms reached around her own torso, clutching to it as for dear life. It was a strange experience, to hold a despairing warship in one's arms. _How_, Beka thought at a loss, _how do you comfort a solar storm?_

"Why?" she heard Rommie's outraged cry.

"The hurt?"

"No," the answer came violently. "Why does there have to be men around at all?"

"What?"

"Yes. Why do they have to exist? What do we need them for? They buy women, lie to them, make a pass on everything catching their fancy, are always ready to push and push some more, they always try to impress with wealth or power or coolness, they build and buy weapons like nova-bombs or... like... me and..." She stopped, pressed her lips together, then continued: "They start wars, believe themselves awfully clever, drink, smoke,do drugs, get thin hair, are constantly running high on adrenaline, are obsessed with their interests, they can't give birth to children... And human, Nietzschean, android, whatever – they're all alike. So why do we bother to keep them around at all?"

Continuing to stroke the dark-haired head pillowed on her chest, Beka began to smile. Anger. That was good. Pushing her gently a bit away, the blonde took the beautiful face into her hands and began to wipe away with her thumbs the tears staining it, tenderly searching for the obsidian-black gaze, a smal smile on her lips.

"I don't know. Maybe just **because **they can't give birth to children and believe themselves awfully clever and always run high on adrenaline, have heart-attacks, work and dare too much, and only cry in secret. Or maybe just because they're lonesome, tired wolves, desperate to make themselves appear strong for us, because when they love, they don't ever let any obstacle stand in their way, because they feel the need to break down all walls and expand every frontier, because they have muscles and are always trying to make us believe that there is nothing they can't do. Because they too - unbelieveable as it may appear at times - are sentient beings, even if they might seem pretty strange ones occasionally. Because they try their best to make us believe a hard life to be easy if only they're around, and take us in their arms wanting to make us feel safe, even if it works only just for a little while; and because in order to do so, they have to hide their gentleness under a rough surface, because we make them blue as infants already and push them to be tough guys from early on when they are only little boys, because they are in need of so much tenderness and are so very vulnerable and... And because in **this** universe we've found out the hard way that they are simply irreplaceable, you know..."

"I **don't** know..." Rommie replied stubbornly. She sniffed, then looked at Beka. "I'll never ever love another man again."

Beka smiled again. _Yes, you will,_ she thought. _Oh, Rommie, if only you knew! _Nonetheless:

"No, of course not," she said to her aloud.


End file.
